Anonymous asked: Could your followers press you for your top 5 Shakespeare dick jokes?


AH HA HA HA oh I love you.

Okay, well, the raunchiest one is Romeo and Juliet 2.4, Mercutio to the Nurse:

“for the bawdy hand of the dial / Is now upon the prick of noon.”

And the baldest one, Henry V, 2.3, Pistol to Nym:

“I do retort the solus in thy bowels, / For I can take, and Pistol’s cock is up, / And flashing fire will follow.”

Schlockiest, Twelfth Night 1.5, Feste to Maria:

“Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage.” *rimshot*

Cleverest—and hottest—Sonnet 20, the poet to his beautiful young man:

Till Nature, as she wrought thee, fell a-doting,
And by addition me of thee defeated,
By adding one thing to my purpose nothing.
   But since she prick’d thee out for women’s pleasure,
   Mine be thy love and thy love’s use their treasure.

(For me the most important word here isn’t “prick’d”—giggle—but “nothing,” which was Elizabethan slang for vagina. Nature added one thing, a prick, which is to my purpose nothing, a vagina, so


AHEM. Shakespeare gettin’ his frottage on?)

But okay, my #1 all-time favorite Shakespeare dick joke is Hamlet 2.2, Hamlet to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern:

Happy, in that we are not overhappy.
On Fortune’s cap we are not the very button.


Nor the soles of her shoes?


Neither, my lord.


Then you live about her waist, or in the middle of her favors?
Faith, her privates we.


In the secret parts of Fortune? Oh, most true. She is a strumpet.
Because yeah, most poignant.

One of my favorites: “better a witty fool than a foolish wit.” With “wit” as slang for penis, i.e. HOPE HE’S DUMB AND HUNG.

But you can’t beat the blatant comment from Mercutio about Juliet: “Oh, that she were an open arse, and thou a poperin pear!”

William Shakespeare's 450th Birthday- 'Holla Holla'! Is It A Rap Lyric Or The Bard? ›

Shakespeare Or Rapper?

1. “To shatter the picture in which of that as they paint me”

2. “I’ll teach you how to flow.”

3. “He speaks plain cannon fire, and smoke and bounce.”

4. “In this land of forbidden treasure/ love is the only evil seed”

5. “I’m not sure why I’m infatuated with death,”

6. “Our tongue is rough, coz, and my condition is not smooth.”

7. “A thousand raw tricks of these bragging Jacks, / Which I will practice.”

8. “Stop screaming/ you know the demon said it’s best to die,”

9. “The dog is himself, and I am the dog,”

10. “Should this be my last breath? I’m blessed ‘cause it was purposeful”


Meryl Streep and Christopher Lloyd in Happy End (1977).

Anonymous asked: Wait. I'm just curious, what's wrong with Neil LaBute?

Neil LaBute is boring.

His dialogue is nearly interchangeable. On the page, the characters don’t have distinct voices. It’s like listening to Neil have an argument with Neil.

Plotwise, they’re all similarly predictable. They feature whiny manchildren who have douchebag friends (but see, our hero is the Nice Guy). Women love them, or manipulate and destroy them, and sometimes both. Bad women! Think of the men!

What was shocking in the 90s has been run into the ground. And what he thinks is shocking now is being better written by other writers. Sorry, dude.

1 day ago on 04/22/14 at 03:20pm



Dear MCC,

I like you so much more when you aren’t producing Neil LaBute plays. Remember Wit? Coraline? The Other Place? (We’ll ignore Really Really.)
I know you and him have a thing going, but maybe you could reconsider. He’s not good for you.


A friend who cares about your well-being

Hedwig's Playbill for The Hurt Locker also includes these upcoming works. Who’s excited about British Couples Being Serious in Sweaters at the Cumby?

1 day ago on 04/22/14 at 01:22pm




Tom Walsh

Need to see this.

  • cleopatra: *puts snake to breast* its a metaphor
  • cleopatra: see, you put the killing thing to your breast, but dont give it the power to--oh shit wait no

(via anothergingerinthetardis)

Anonymous asked: I recently stage managed a production of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and it was amazing. I have to say Tennessee Williams is definitely one of my favorite playwrights.

Cool! I might be SMing some of Tennessee’s shorts this summer, assuming the details shake out how they’re supposed to. I actually haven’t ever worked on any of his plays so I’m looking forward to it.

3 days ago on 04/20/14 at 10:18pm

tresgracieux asked: Ooh, tell us more about your show! Are you directing something?! (:



I am stage managing a show called Dutch Heart of Man by Bob “Jack Goes Boating” Glaudini. I am learning a LOT about concrete, terrazzo, and tile. We’re going to be installing a terrazzo floor every night, then destroying it. So that’s exciting.

You’re a stage manager? Kick ass. Break a leg!!

I am! Recently, I’ve done more one-offs and events (sad truth is they pay better and mama has bills) but I like doing shows when I have the time.

happicuppa asked: My mom just saw 'Russian Transport' at the Steppenwolf theater in chicago.JUST A WARNING TO ANYONE WHO WANTS TO GO SEE A BLACK COMEDY, this show is noooooot it. HUGE GIGANTIC TRIGGER WARNING FOR HUMAN TRAFFICKING AND RAPE. don't go see it, it's icky and gross and not fun at all.

Thanks for the tip.

I like to go into shows as blind as possible, because I like to be surprised. But it also leads to situations like this. Or my recent visit to Your Mother’s Copy of the Kama Sutra which I do recommend but was a VERY different (and possibly triggering) show than what their social media campaign had led me to believe.

3 days ago on 04/20/14 at 09:29pm

tresgracieux asked: Ooh, tell us more about your show! Are you directing something?! (:

I am stage managing a show called Dutch Heart of Man by Bob “Jack Goes Boating” Glaudini. I am learning a LOT about concrete, terrazzo, and tile. We’re going to be installing a terrazzo floor every night, then destroying it. So that’s exciting.

3 days ago on 04/20/14 at 09:22pm

Anonymous asked: 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

One popped up on my newsfeed today. That’s it.

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

Yes. I am probably too trusting, really.

6. What are you excited for?

My show starts previews this weekend. (I’m less excited about tech.)

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

No. I just worry about drunk peoples’ safety.

10. What is the last beverage you had?

Just poured a glass of pomegranate iced tea.

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

Oh yes. A couple.

3 days ago on 04/20/14 at 09:10pm

Anonymous asked: 1,10,20,30,40,50,60,70

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

My boyfriend? Yeah, probably.

10. What is the last beverage you had?

Water. Did too much drinking this afternoon.

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

My life is becoming sort of routine. And I like it.

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

95% of the time, yes. But only some deserve more than that.

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

Because he’s going out of town on Tuesday and I won’t see him before then.

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

Yes, at summer camp. I’m much better with a gun.

60. Wear slippers?

Yes, actually. They are kids slippers (I have very small feet) that look like cowboy boots.

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

Arts involved. But I’m not picky.

3 days ago on 04/20/14 at 08:39pm